Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
