just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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