wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
