Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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