I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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