Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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