Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
