Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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