My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is the high leading the old right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
