wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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