I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
third nipple confirmed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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