nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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