Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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