used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
