I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
