You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
