What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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