I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
