I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We got so high we made milksteak
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
