does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
