I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
