i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
