ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
