had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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