wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
