i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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