Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
