TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
