As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
