Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
