So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
