I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize