So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
