You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
