id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
