the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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