On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
