I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
