Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
third nipple confirmed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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