At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
