do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
