and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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