Tell her she can't have a vagina
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize