Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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