You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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