if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
