At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
