I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
