What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this beer tastes like vomit already
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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