he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
