Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
