So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
