Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
