i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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