She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Are my feet made of real feet?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
