puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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