I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
