I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
