There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
