You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
