there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
