Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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