May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
