I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
