Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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