She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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