Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
